by Carol Schacter
Miss Kindergarten America of 1984 hitched up her garters and teetered back to her hotel room overlooking the boardwalk. She was a very small beauty queen and it had been a tiring day, the most exciting day of her whole life. She had done it! She had won the title and next year, Mommy promised, she could enter the preliminaries for the Miss Pre-Sub-Teen America pageant. Oh, Mommy was so happy!
As soon as she closed the door, she stepped out of her high heels and ripped of her girdle. Gee, that felt good! Standing all afternoon at the Coketail press party had been awful.
She undressed and stood at the mirror, looking at her figure. When she had reached the semifinals, she had stopped eating cookies and ice cream and started smoking. Then she had really lost a lot of weight. Daddy called it "baby fat" and said leave it alone, but Mommy said after all, the child is five and it's about time she thought about her shape. (She didn't really like the taste of cigarettes too much, but ever since the sixth graders got their own smoking lounge at school, all the younger kids sneaked a few drags at recess, hiding under the slide. And then it got to be a habit.)
She carefully removed her makeup with some Big Idea Moisturizing Cleanser, slapped on some Big Idea Skin Freshener and Big Idea Hormone Night Cream. She considered not setting her hair but knew it was hopeless. Her perm was growing out and this morning Kenneth had teased her hair so much (to make it look natural), she knew it would collapse over night. Maybe she'd run in for a comb-out after breakfast.
A half hour later all the rollers were in place and she rubbed her aching arms. She laid out her dress for the next day's festivities - a stunning little nothing from Saks, all shape and line. She'd be able to wear it to the PTA first-grade dancing classes next year, so $89.95 wasn't really expensive. Even Mommy had said it was a thoughtful investment.
She set her clock-TV for 6:30 and tucked in her doll family for the night. Santa Claus had brought her the whole set last Christmas. It came in a big box with three double beds and a new educational toy, "The Mating Game." There was Grandma Barbie and Grandpa Kin and Daughter Sally and Son-in-Law Rob and their daughter Lolly and her boyfriend Tom. Sally come equipped with snap-on bosoms and snap-on tummies and a yummy wardrobe of maternity clothes so you could pretend she was in all different "months."
She got under the covers and lay on her side, her arms and legs curled up under her chin. The rollers hurt like anything. She thought how nice it would be to go home and see Daddy. She really hadn't spent much time with him since Tabitha Carleton's fifth birthday coming-out party. Ever since that night she'd been busy working for the title.
The party had been lots of fun but, gee, what a mess after those third-grade boys crashed it and spiked all the Cokes. All those broken windows and doll furniture thrown all over the beach....But still, it was the publicity that had started her on the road to the crown. Mommy took her straight to the modeling agency in New York, and she hadn't been so busy since she was three and a cheerleader for the Little Punks Tiny Football League. Now here she was, at last, Miss Kindergarten America.
She tried and tried to find a comfortable position but something didn't feel quite right. Something was missing. Then she remembered and ran over to the closet. Oh good! No one had found the bag she had stuffed behind her mink stole. She went back to bed. With her mangy teddy bear, and old plush elephant, and a somewhat soiled rag doll cuddled fiercly in her arms, she fell sound asleep.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year
from The Onion, April 12, 2000
HUNTSVILLE, AL–For the 135th straight year since Gen. Robert E. Lee's surrender at Appomattox, representatives for the South announced Monday that the region has postponed plans to rise again.
"Make no mistake, the South shall rise again," said Knox Pritchard, president of the Huntsville-based Alliance Of Confederate States. "But we're just not quite ready to do it now. Hopefully, we'll be able to rise again real soon, maybe even in 2001."
Pritchard's fellow Southerners shared his confidence.
"Yes, sir. The South will rise again, and when it does, I'll be right up front waving the Stars and Bars," said Dock Mullins of Decatur, GA. "But first, I gotta get my truck fixed and get that rusty old stove out of my yard."
"Lord willing, and the creek don't rise, we gonna rise again," said Sumter, SC, radiator technician Hap Slidell, who describes himself as "Southern by the grace of God." "I don't know exactly when we're gonna do it, but one of these days, we're gonna show them Yankees how it's done."
"Save your Confederate dollars," Slidell added. "You can bet on that."
The Deep South states of Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, South Carolina, Louisiana, and Tennessee consistently rank at the bottom of the nation in a wide variety of statistical categories, including literacy, infant mortality, hospital beds, toilet-paper sales, and shoe usage. Even so, some experts believe the region could be poised for a renaissance.
The way things stand, things in the Deep South almost have to get better. Otherwise, the people who live there will devolve into preverbal, overall-wearing sub-morons within a century," said Professor Dennis Lassiter of Princeton University. "Either Southerners will start improving themselves, or they'll be sold to middle-class Asians as pets."
"My constituents are decent, hard-working folk," said Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC), despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, in his 22nd annual "Next Year, By God!" speech on the steps of North Carolina's capitol building. "We are a proud people who mayn't have all that much fancy-pants book-learnin', but we live and die with pride in our proud heritage and the dignity of our forebears."
Helms' speech was met with nearly 25 minutes of enthusiastic hoots and rebel yells by the 15,000 drunk, unemployed tobacco pickers in attendance.
Though Southerners are overwhelmingly in favor of rising again, few were able to provide specific details of the rising-again process.
"I don't know, I reckon we'll build us a bunch of big, fancy buildins and pave us up a whole mess of roads," said Bobby Lee Fuller of Greenville, MS. "I ain't exactly sure where we're gonna get the money for that, but when Johnny Reb sets his mind to something, you best get out of his way."
"Oh, it'll happen, sure as the sun come up in the morning," said Buford Comstock, 26, a student at Over 'N' Back Diesel Driving School in Union City, TN. "The South is gonna rise up, just as soon as we get together and get all our shit back in one sock. Then, look out, Northerners!"
"Yesiree," Comstock added, "one day soon, the Mason-Dixon Line will be the boundary between a great nation and one whose time done passed."
HUNTSVILLE, AL–For the 135th straight year since Gen. Robert E. Lee's surrender at Appomattox, representatives for the South announced Monday that the region has postponed plans to rise again.
"Make no mistake, the South shall rise again," said Knox Pritchard, president of the Huntsville-based Alliance Of Confederate States. "But we're just not quite ready to do it now. Hopefully, we'll be able to rise again real soon, maybe even in 2001."
Pritchard's fellow Southerners shared his confidence.
"Yes, sir. The South will rise again, and when it does, I'll be right up front waving the Stars and Bars," said Dock Mullins of Decatur, GA. "But first, I gotta get my truck fixed and get that rusty old stove out of my yard."
"Lord willing, and the creek don't rise, we gonna rise again," said Sumter, SC, radiator technician Hap Slidell, who describes himself as "Southern by the grace of God." "I don't know exactly when we're gonna do it, but one of these days, we're gonna show them Yankees how it's done."
"Save your Confederate dollars," Slidell added. "You can bet on that."
The Deep South states of Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, South Carolina, Louisiana, and Tennessee consistently rank at the bottom of the nation in a wide variety of statistical categories, including literacy, infant mortality, hospital beds, toilet-paper sales, and shoe usage. Even so, some experts believe the region could be poised for a renaissance.
The way things stand, things in the Deep South almost have to get better. Otherwise, the people who live there will devolve into preverbal, overall-wearing sub-morons within a century," said Professor Dennis Lassiter of Princeton University. "Either Southerners will start improving themselves, or they'll be sold to middle-class Asians as pets."
"My constituents are decent, hard-working folk," said Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC), despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, in his 22nd annual "Next Year, By God!" speech on the steps of North Carolina's capitol building. "We are a proud people who mayn't have all that much fancy-pants book-learnin', but we live and die with pride in our proud heritage and the dignity of our forebears."
Helms' speech was met with nearly 25 minutes of enthusiastic hoots and rebel yells by the 15,000 drunk, unemployed tobacco pickers in attendance.
Though Southerners are overwhelmingly in favor of rising again, few were able to provide specific details of the rising-again process.
"I don't know, I reckon we'll build us a bunch of big, fancy buildins and pave us up a whole mess of roads," said Bobby Lee Fuller of Greenville, MS. "I ain't exactly sure where we're gonna get the money for that, but when Johnny Reb sets his mind to something, you best get out of his way."
"Oh, it'll happen, sure as the sun come up in the morning," said Buford Comstock, 26, a student at Over 'N' Back Diesel Driving School in Union City, TN. "The South is gonna rise up, just as soon as we get together and get all our shit back in one sock. Then, look out, Northerners!"
"Yesiree," Comstock added, "one day soon, the Mason-Dixon Line will be the boundary between a great nation and one whose time done passed."
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
O! thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!
Nath. Sir, he hath not fed of the dainties that are bred of a book; he hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink: his intellect is not replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts:
And such barren plants are set before us, that we thankful should be,
Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that do fructify in us more than he;
For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool:
So, were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school:
But, omne bene, say I; being of an old Father’s mind,
Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
(Love's Labour's Lost, IV.ii.11-18)
So I suppose that Holofernes and Nathaniel were just being pretentious and snooty in respect to the more worldly Dull here, but Nathaniel's little rhyme reminded me of last night's class. Going through the sum of my learning and reflections over the last 5 semesters in the ITS program made me realize how fructified I have been. I like to think that I'm no more a computer geek than I have been before this program started, and I never will be. But it seems like (esp. this semester) I've had a window into the world of educational technology that will close after July. This cohort has offered so much insight to me mostly because I've been immersed in the culture of learning with new technologies. How do I keep up with that once Bill and all the ITRT's have departed from my weekly routine? I wonder if I have the initiative to keep up with it. It's like when I got up this morning and scrolled past MTV2 on the tube (in this world of HDTV and plasma, they don't even call it "the tube" anymore, do they?). So many unfamiliar bands and rappers and styles. I used to be a college DJ, on the cutting edge, and now I'm clueless. Scary.
It's a quandary, I'm sure. And I'm also sure that whoever began reading this has stopped by now, so let's get to the point. The other day, I came across this site, http://misterteacher.blogspot.com/ by James Tubbs, a 5th grade teacher in Wyoming, Ohio. This dude is sharp when it comes to instructional technology. I'm pretty sure. His work reminds me of Will Richardson. And I like him because he advocates student writing in Mathematics! He's fun to read, as well. Just check out his student blogs page, with actual samples from his own class. I can't believe he has fifth graders doing this stuff. So cool. It's inspired my leadership group's effort to create an initiative to incorporate blogging across curricula, especially in mathematics and science. Speaking of which, I'd better get back to writing the proposal.
Oh, if you have an idea how I can keep that window open, and keep out that monster Ignorance, I'd appreciate your comments!
And such barren plants are set before us, that we thankful should be,
Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that do fructify in us more than he;
For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool:
So, were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school:
But, omne bene, say I; being of an old Father’s mind,
Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
(Love's Labour's Lost, IV.ii.11-18)
So I suppose that Holofernes and Nathaniel were just being pretentious and snooty in respect to the more worldly Dull here, but Nathaniel's little rhyme reminded me of last night's class. Going through the sum of my learning and reflections over the last 5 semesters in the ITS program made me realize how fructified I have been. I like to think that I'm no more a computer geek than I have been before this program started, and I never will be. But it seems like (esp. this semester) I've had a window into the world of educational technology that will close after July. This cohort has offered so much insight to me mostly because I've been immersed in the culture of learning with new technologies. How do I keep up with that once Bill and all the ITRT's have departed from my weekly routine? I wonder if I have the initiative to keep up with it. It's like when I got up this morning and scrolled past MTV2 on the tube (in this world of HDTV and plasma, they don't even call it "the tube" anymore, do they?). So many unfamiliar bands and rappers and styles. I used to be a college DJ, on the cutting edge, and now I'm clueless. Scary.
It's a quandary, I'm sure. And I'm also sure that whoever began reading this has stopped by now, so let's get to the point. The other day, I came across this site, http://misterteacher.blogspot.com/ by James Tubbs, a 5th grade teacher in Wyoming, Ohio. This dude is sharp when it comes to instructional technology. I'm pretty sure. His work reminds me of Will Richardson. And I like him because he advocates student writing in Mathematics! He's fun to read, as well. Just check out his student blogs page, with actual samples from his own class. I can't believe he has fifth graders doing this stuff. So cool. It's inspired my leadership group's effort to create an initiative to incorporate blogging across curricula, especially in mathematics and science. Speaking of which, I'd better get back to writing the proposal.
Oh, if you have an idea how I can keep that window open, and keep out that monster Ignorance, I'd appreciate your comments!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
- Miss Piggy
Sorry, I just liked that quote so much I had to put it down. It's funny, you know, so many group members talking about final thoughts and it's all over, etc., and I'm wondering what's going to happen after Friday? I would like to continue blogging here. I value the comments from my buddies in the cohort, and I wonder, if I keep posting, will they keep commenting? I really like the comments, and I have a feeling that if I keep posting, I may never see another comment, other than the occasional junk mail-type message. Oh, well. I've really valued these reflections, and as Mr. Langston Hughes' mother said. "I'se still climbin'. . . " So I'll keep it up, I think.
Anyhow, back to Miss Piggy--you know, that chica has a head on her shoulders. Too many narcissists in this world. Yours truly included. Every now and then Americans need to be knocked on the head a little. Take this article on the global economy, titled "America Isn't Ready." Not exactly breaking news, as we've already read The World is Flat, but this kind of thing should still be on our minds, perhaps.
So anyhow, it seems to me that this web 2.0 thing is our chance. Look at Apple's company profile. Look at Google. Two of the most powerful, recognizable companies in the world. And where are they? Not in China or India. They're in California. Sure they're globalizing, but they're still in Cali. Hope springs.
So I'm just saying, perhaps the end is not quite near. Or perhaps it is. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the fact that I'm going to continue to try to give a realistic picture to my kids. "Hey, there's no guarantee that you're going to be handed everything for the rest of your life. So enjoy the Guitar Hero and the free iPhone now, but if you want to keep that stuff, you'd better work your butts off."
Out.
- Miss Piggy
Sorry, I just liked that quote so much I had to put it down. It's funny, you know, so many group members talking about final thoughts and it's all over, etc., and I'm wondering what's going to happen after Friday? I would like to continue blogging here. I value the comments from my buddies in the cohort, and I wonder, if I keep posting, will they keep commenting? I really like the comments, and I have a feeling that if I keep posting, I may never see another comment, other than the occasional junk mail-type message. Oh, well. I've really valued these reflections, and as Mr. Langston Hughes' mother said. "I'se still climbin'. . . " So I'll keep it up, I think.
Anyhow, back to Miss Piggy--you know, that chica has a head on her shoulders. Too many narcissists in this world. Yours truly included. Every now and then Americans need to be knocked on the head a little. Take this article on the global economy, titled "America Isn't Ready." Not exactly breaking news, as we've already read The World is Flat, but this kind of thing should still be on our minds, perhaps.
So anyhow, it seems to me that this web 2.0 thing is our chance. Look at Apple's company profile. Look at Google. Two of the most powerful, recognizable companies in the world. And where are they? Not in China or India. They're in California. Sure they're globalizing, but they're still in Cali. Hope springs.
So I'm just saying, perhaps the end is not quite near. Or perhaps it is. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the fact that I'm going to continue to try to give a realistic picture to my kids. "Hey, there's no guarantee that you're going to be handed everything for the rest of your life. So enjoy the Guitar Hero and the free iPhone now, but if you want to keep that stuff, you'd better work your butts off."
Out.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
"Romans, countrymen, and lovers!
hear me for my cause; and be silent, that you may hear:
believe me for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that you may believe:
censure me in your wisdom, and awake your senses, that you may the better judge."
(Julius Caesar, III.ii.10-12)
So last night's class was mostly about podcasts. Last night we added a podcast message to our advocacy wiki. By "we" I mean Marc and Tracey. I was doing the staff development workshop page, although I did get to say a few words in the podcast. In this case we chose mainly to divide and conquer, and the products turned out just fine, I must say. I would like to get to know the software a little better, but I did learn a few things from what I saw (and heard).
As for the "So What" of podcasts, I think that they can serve a function much like video, only for the more auditory learners. In fact a lot of broadcasters have video podcasts online these days; check out one of my favorites (by "one of my favorites" I mean "one I've actually heard of"), Willie Geist's "video blog," aka ZeitGeist. Apparently you can subscribe to this feed, but I haven't figured that one out, yet. Anyways, being a more visually stimulated person, I haven't really gotten into podcasts yet, so I don't have any favorites there. Perhaps once I read Richardson's chapters on podcasting, I'll have more to say about them. (I suspect I'll still like video better, though.)
believe me for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that you may believe:
censure me in your wisdom, and awake your senses, that you may the better judge."
(Julius Caesar, III.ii.10-12)
So last night's class was mostly about podcasts. Last night we added a podcast message to our advocacy wiki. By "we" I mean Marc and Tracey. I was doing the staff development workshop page, although I did get to say a few words in the podcast. In this case we chose mainly to divide and conquer, and the products turned out just fine, I must say. I would like to get to know the software a little better, but I did learn a few things from what I saw (and heard).
As for the "So What" of podcasts, I think that they can serve a function much like video, only for the more auditory learners. In fact a lot of broadcasters have video podcasts online these days; check out one of my favorites (by "one of my favorites" I mean "one I've actually heard of"), Willie Geist's "video blog," aka ZeitGeist. Apparently you can subscribe to this feed, but I haven't figured that one out, yet. Anyways, being a more visually stimulated person, I haven't really gotten into podcasts yet, so I don't have any favorites there. Perhaps once I read Richardson's chapters on podcasting, I'll have more to say about them. (I suspect I'll still like video better, though.)
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Singaut
Nau bai mi wokim sampela niu kain toktok. Dispela pes em i singaut long ol manmeri husat astok bilong em i Tok Pisin. Pastaim bai mi tok sori olsem na Tok Pisin bilong mi i no gut tumas. Mi triam wanpela taim tasol.
Nau bai mi tok save long ol manmeri: Yu mas lukluk long dispela Wikipedia ensiklopedia long intanet. Em i tok:
**English speakers: I thought I'd shout out to my friends in Melanesia and share with them the wonderful world of wikis so that they can contribute to the Tok Pisin version of Wikipedia, which only has like 300 entries so far, but it's building.
Nau bai mi tok save long ol manmeri: Yu mas lukluk long dispela Wikipedia ensiklopedia long intanet. Em i tok:
Wikipedia i wanpela ensiklopedia long intanet long planti tokples. Mipela i traim i mekim wanpela wikipedia long Tok Pisin tasol mipela i nidim manmeri mo husat astok bilong em i Tok Pisin. Sapos yu save Tok Pisin, halivim plis. Ol toksave bilong en i Open Content, na yu ken painim mo long GNU Free Document License. Ol i raitim mo long sampela 2.5 milion pes long yia 2001. 936,000 i long Tok Inglis, narapela pes long narapela tokples. Wikipedia long Tok Pisin i gat 300 pes nau. Yu ken halivim dispela projek tu. Yu ken editim sampela pes, translate pes long Tok Pisin, mekim nupela pes.Sapos yu lukim long pes bilong mi, yu ken singaut long comments pes na bai yumi stori sampela taim tasol.
**English speakers: I thought I'd shout out to my friends in Melanesia and share with them the wonderful world of wikis so that they can contribute to the Tok Pisin version of Wikipedia, which only has like 300 entries so far, but it's building.
Friday, June 15, 2007
"Speak the speech, I pray you,
. . . as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue; but if you mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines." (Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, III.ii.1)
Ok, so I thought this topic would warrant a separate post from the one I just did a few minutes ago (that and I wanted to post 2 Shakespeare quotes today). Last night we made videos for our advocacy projects, and like my dear Hamlet, I was an exuberant amateur director. I realize that the actors (thank goodness they stepped up to do it!) probably thought I was Mr. Bossy Von Directorpants, but I was just trying to do my part, get it done well, and move on. I think the product worked out pretty well, and I must say that I'm pretty jazzed about making movies now, especially since Beth and I have borrowed her father's most excellent camera.
Want to know more about making movies and videos? Here's a cool site that I shared with my students before we made our Macbeth videos, it's all about a crucial element of making a good video--storyboarding. Check out the different sections, esp. the ones on Shot selection and the useful storyboard template that they offer.
Ok, so I thought this topic would warrant a separate post from the one I just did a few minutes ago (that and I wanted to post 2 Shakespeare quotes today). Last night we made videos for our advocacy projects, and like my dear Hamlet, I was an exuberant amateur director. I realize that the actors (thank goodness they stepped up to do it!) probably thought I was Mr. Bossy Von Directorpants, but I was just trying to do my part, get it done well, and move on. I think the product worked out pretty well, and I must say that I'm pretty jazzed about making movies now, especially since Beth and I have borrowed her father's most excellent camera.
Want to know more about making movies and videos? Here's a cool site that I shared with my students before we made our Macbeth videos, it's all about a crucial element of making a good video--storyboarding. Check out the different sections, esp. the ones on Shot selection and the useful storyboard template that they offer.
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